the ideal girl
(finding and losing - for dummies)

After a fairly long period i've pieced together various traits and qualities to come up with some notion of the perfect girl.

Over countless cups of coffee, friends have at some point asked me the ever popular question - describe your ideal woman (especially if one is single). Due to which, i've actually had to give thought to the whole deal. And when you do, you tend to think back to past experiences, chance meetings, striking moments and the like, and form mini lists. Ofcourse, once one starts to list them, you start to feel like a kid in a toy store and before you know it you're asking for the entire shop when your mom looks at you sternly and says if you want the remote control car, then you wont get the aqua man action figure. So you gotta keep a fairly good grip on reality, statistics and the all important, all depressing, self-potential rating (I shall call it SPR). (In case the last one is new to you, the self potential thing is simply when you look at yourself plainly and know whether so and so is in "your league" or no. This concept is pretty tricky, cos self confidence and esteem play a hidden hand in your rating. Plus the whole system is designed to make one not jump off any proverbial cliff. But at the end of the day, it can either save you from some heartbreak or kill you with the "i shouldve gone for it" scenario!) For me, though, I'm realistic enough to know where i stand so when something does or doesn't happen, it's easier for me to put it in perspective.

So anyways, life, with its wicked sense of humour, decided to have its way with me after a looong time. I finally made my list (for the moment atleast) (i will not put the list down here so that it still reads like a post and not a wanted add!!), was almost resigning myself to the thought that she doesn't exist, met some people, and out of the blue, met her! And she WAS the list (as close about anyways and albeit with limited info about her) She was hot and funny and smart and really cool and all of those things and i was happy and feeling good. Super you say? Good for me and all that? I am talking about life's sense of humour, not miracle remember? Well get this........the cherry on top....the part where life really steps in to back slappingingly laugh in your face.......just when everything looked good and i began to look at things more clearly and measuring everything (stuff tat normally takes me a while to get to)... i got to know that she was seeing someone else!

Yes yes boo frickity hoo right? I know everyone's gone through this at some point or the other but it threw me off cos it'd been long since it was me feeling all those things and besides, you havent come to weallhavegonethroughthis.com!!

There's really not much else to say bout that. Just like that and just as quickly and easily, i returned to being me....

Strangely though, this wasnt one of those shattering kind of deals. Maybe i hadnt gotten to know her much, or that i hadnt stepped too far into the quick sand...or maybe my SPR just gave me some cushioning (yes she was way outta my league). but whatever it was, it stirred up plenty of bittersweet things that i hadnt felt in a long time and you know what? I was happy. I was happy cos it had given me a lot to think about...days to look forward to and generally a side of me that had been sleeping for some time.

Ofcourse, If i'm gonna learn through any of this, or more importantly, if i'm to give any direction to this post so that you don't feel you've wasted your time (more time that is! your time has already been wasted) i think its quite clear to see where I've gone wrong in the past. I don't jump off any cliffs. I've always liked sitting on the tiny grass patch with the great view. And sadly, I'm not entirely sure if I'll do anthing about it. We are what we are, and unless a strong gust of wind (and it'll have to be strong, im not exactly mr. feather!) comes along, im gonna be there for some time to come. Only difference being, I'm now hopefull of gusts of wind and breathe deeply when i feel a breeze every now and then.

Ofcourse, since ive learnt so much, i also know that thinking and notioning is all very well, but as we all know, the second you see her all the SPR's and grassy patches and blah blah will be thrown out the window. Cest la vie

NOTE TO ALL: I dont want any awwww's or anything like that. This happened a long time ago. Ive just written it now.