The two kiss dilemma!

How you greet people says a lot about you. That’s actually true, though it’s just not relevant right now cos given the social situation that I’m taking, how you greet is really just a norm – step one in a huge list of steps in the procession of a “social” evening.

We all go to them and if you’re a city dweller you can’t run far from the air kisses and the whole shabang! And after years of partaking in the whole nonsense, I’ve come to accept it as just what it is - we play out our roles as is expected of us and the whole night runs like clockwork.

But that’s not what this is about.

It took me a while to evolve and master “the greet”. Having been brought up in a place where EVERYBODY was a friend and you said hi just like you would, I was a bit lost when I was suddenly thrown into this place where you met girls in a whole new way. I became aware of the slight-lean-in-and-cheek-to-cheek. Nothing too fancy, nothing too scary or invasive, just enough to say hey and not push any comfort buttons. And that I could handle. Mind you, those, too, can be tricky. We’ve all had those moments when you lean in when all of a sudden, the greeting party holds out her hand!! Or then there’s all kinds of things that can go wrong when it comes to the hug – you may go in for the hug and then the little cheek to cheek with accompanied muah sound while she may do the hug and that’s it! Oh the awkwardness!

Guess what I’m trying to say is that we’ve all got accustomed to the hug n kiss routine and everything’s fine. Then why the hell would someone go and rock that whole system and come up with the kiss on both cheeks thing!!?!

As grand high pooby (read as supreme being!) of ineptness in social situations, I cannot tell you the kind of havoc this relatively new practice is wreaking on our delicate social systems…cos all of a sudden you have these girls who have suddenly decided that one leans in for the first cheek, and then the other! and the greeter is somehow supposed to know this via some astrally connected network. So what you see (and experience especially if you’re me) is someone who leans in, kisses one cheek and steps back – only to see that the girl has turned the other cheek (forgive me gandhiji!) and is still in mid greeting! And then you smile sheepishly and lean in for the second one while the girl mumbles “two kisses” as if you’re supposed to know that!!

And on the other hand, one might say that just to be on the safe side, you yourself should initiate the “two – kiss.” Well let me tell you, please do so but tread verry carefully, for you could find yourself in an equally embarrassing situation where you could be greeting a “one-kiss” girl!! The disaster writes itself

I guess the main reason why I’m rambling bout the greet and the potential danger at this stage is cos while the greeting may not say a lot about you in these semi-real social events, they damn sure make the difference between a pleasant chat (or more who knows!) and hours of standing around awkwardly trying to find one’s bearings all over again.

And so I’ve decided that there’s gotta be some sorta sign! Something to say “hey, I’m a two-kiss greet kind of girl.” Happiest time for me (for this stuff) was at a family wedding some years ago where the girl’s family was French. On day one, they said “we are French, so we say hello by kissing on both cheeks.” Till date, and for the rest of my life, saying hi to them will be stress free and great (great cos there’s a certain small kick one gets when conforming to so called sophisticated customs smoothly!). Of course one can’t hope for that always but there’s gotta be some system. And maybe that’s what I’ll have to evolve over hours and days and years of meet n greets. Tirelessly I will move from party to party forever searching for that hint! And hopefully all you future greetees whom I intend to at least embarrass once in the process, forgive me! I am, after all, like all of us, a work in progress.